Irritability in Menopause and Effects on Relationships
I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with my partner. He had become increasingly more irritating as the years wore on. What was the matter with him? How did he become so irritating? Was he like this before and I just hadn’t noticed?
Then one day my adult daughter said to me very gently, “Mom, you are not yourself. Have you considered seeing the doctor?” She saw my mental health slipping and was concerned I hadn’t noticed.
I was startled because I worked in mental health; I helped other women improve their mental health and I hadn’t realized the effect my declining mental health had on those around me. I did an internal mental health check: it was me! My partner wasn’t particularly irritating, but I was extremely irritable and had been increasingly more irritable as the years passed. I was maxed out with family, work and life and hadn’t been listening to my body. I was curt, impatient, and flinched/grunted every time he put his hand gently on my shoulder or tried to help me with something. I had always been top-tier anxious and stressed, but I had now levelled up! I booked an appointment with my doctor the next week.
In my doctor’s office that week, I explained to my family doctor that I needed to complete some screeners on my mental health, because I wasn’t feeling right or normal. The screeners confirmed my daughter’s concerns-my anxiety was at the top of the screener’s scale. I asked about medication and knew the name of the prescription a friend had had good results with. We discussed about talk therapy, but I knew that I was so tired, I couldn’t talk to anyone else immediately. I needed something to help me get to the point that I could then use alternative means of managing my anxiety-so I took the meds. I hit the jackpot-the first meds worked and worked well with very little side effects. (This is not always the case when trying new anti-anxiety or depression medications). Within two weeks my partner couldn’t believe I was the same person. The medication reduced my anxiety so that I could have the emotional energy to engage in our relationship and to work on taking care of myself.
I still struggle with irritability, but not as intensely. Like all of us, I need to focus more on my mental health so I can manage my anxiety. I walk and I garden: these things ground me and help me reduce my irritability.
What causes irritability during menopause?
During menopause, hormonal changes can contribute to irritability in some women. Fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone levels can affect mood and emotions, leading to increased irritability or mood swings. These changes can have an impact on relationships, as irritability may cause tension and strain.
It's important to remember that irritability during menopause is a normal part of the transition and not a reflection of personal shortcomings or flaws. Open communication with your partner and loved ones can help them understand what you're going through and create a supportive environment. Seeking professional help, such as consulting with a healthcare provider or a therapist, can also provide strategies and support to navigate this challenging period.
How do you know if your menopausal irritability is affecting your relationships?
Ask someone who cares about you and won’t judge you. If it hadn’t been for my adult daughter, I may not have realized my declining mental health and not received help for my stress, anxiety and irritability.
What can I do about irritability during menopause?
Irritability is a common symptom during menopause due to hormonal changes. Here are a few suggestions to help manage irritability:
Regular exercise: Engaging in physical activity can help improve mood and reduce stress.
Relaxation techniques: Practicing relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help calm your mind and reduce irritability.
Healthy lifestyle: Focus on maintaining a healthy lifestyle by getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, and avoiding excessive caffeine and alcohol, as they can contribute to irritability.
Support system: Share your experiences and concerns with loved ones or join a support group. Talking to others who are going through or have gone through menopause can provide valuable support and coping strategies.
Stress management: Find healthy ways to manage stress, such as engaging in hobbies, spending time in nature, or seeking professional help like therapy or counseling if needed.
Consult your doctor about your symptoms. Be very honest with your healthcare provider and tell them the ways your irritability is affecting yourself, your mental health and your loved ones. They may suggest some of the items on the list above as well as counselling and/or medication. Everyone's experience with menopause is unique, so it's important to find what works best for you. Consulting with a healthcare professional can provide personalized advice and guidance based on your specific situation.
Concerned about your stress, anxiety or irritability? Take a screener to check your stress levels here.
