Menopausal Sex and Mental Health

Let’s talk sex….the hot mess….

Menopause, with all its physical and emotional changes, also can have an impact on our sex life. 

The sexual changes that happen during the transition to menopause are a combination of several things:
 

1. Emotional wellness
    

2. Quality of your relationships
    

3. Life situation
    

4. Past sex life and enjoyment
    

5. Social class
    

6. Education
    

7. Employment
    

8. Personality factors
    

9. Attitudes about menopause
    

10. Partner’s age, health and length of sexual relationship
     

11. Feelings toward your partner
     

12. Cultural
     

How we feel about sex affects our mental health during menopause: 

As with other changes during menopause, if we have significant transitions in our life, these are also likely to impact our experience of menopause.2 

The most common complaint about sex during menopause is vaginal dryness:
  

• Or as one woman said, sex during menopause is ”like trying to ride a bike with no air in the tires.”2
  

• Without help to decrease dryness, then we may feel uncomfortable during sex and then have a decreased desire for sex. 
  

• This may then affect how we feel about ourselves (‘I’m not sexy anymore’) and the relationship with our partner (‘he won’t love me anymore’). Oftentimes, taking care of symptoms can improve your overall sexual and emotional health.
   

If you have a history with struggling with sex:
 

• If:

  • Your relationships have been strained before menopause,

  • Your sex life has never been satisfying to you,

  • You are exhausted from working,

  • You have been raised to think sex was ‘dirty’, or

  • You have had past episodes of depression or anxiety,

    
    then menopause can be another life transition challenge that can affect your mental health.

The key is: Taking Care of You….
 

• Take care of yourself physically
   

• Take care of yourself emotionally
   

• Take care of yourself sexually

Talk to your doctor about your physical symptoms and their effect on your sex life during menopause.
 

Think about how to reduce your own emotional stresses (take our emotional health screeners to see how you are coping and/or begin CBT to improve your emotional health).
 

If possible, talk with your partner about any sexual issues. Partners age as well and may welcome an open discussion about the changing roles of sex in their lives. (Begin Interpersonal Therapy to strengthen your relationships).

All these aspects of ‘you’ are intertwined.  As you take care of yourself physically, you will improve your mood and sex life; as you take care of yourself emotionally, you will improve your physical and sexual self.

Ideas on how to care for yourself:

Find something in your life that allows you to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally:
 

1. Take walks in the park alone or with your partner.
    

2. Exercise with a friend.
    

3. Find a creative outlet, like painting, pottery, journaling etc.
    

4. Take dance lessons with your partner.
    

5. Take your grandchild to the park.

Walking in nature, spending one day a week with a grandchild, finding a creative outlet: all these things will improve your emotional health. 

As you continue to take care of yourself, you will improve your sexual health as well.

Further Information

References:
 

• 1(Dennerstein et al, 2001) (Dennerstein et al, 2005; Nappi et al, 2007; Rani, 2008) 
   

• 2(British Journal of Nursing, 2009, Vol 18, No 6 The psychosocial implications of menopause, Shobha Rani)